a thinker.

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what I want 2011 to look like. It’s the time of the year for resolutions (soon to be broken) and goals (never to be achieved — okay, so I’m a pessimist at heart). I actually wanted to formulate some ideas and have them ready before the end of 2010, but somehow, in the flurry of activity, I didn’t really have time to stop and think about it. Which is ironic, since the theme that seems to be popping out at me at the moment is “I want to be more of a thinker this year.” It’s not my only goal for the year, and it’s not really a “resolution.” It’s just something I’ve been thinking (har har) about. 

I was pretty stressed out before ROCK Winter Camp this year. The thought of packing up all my stuff, of the long drive, of spending sleepless nights and long days with hyper college students, of prepping and playing at least four worship sets — it tired me out before I even made it up the mountain.

I wanted to sit in stillness and quiet, to reflect on 2010 and pray over 2011. I wanted to think about my future at work, about the tasks I left incomplete, about the grades I still needed to turn in (and thankfully have submitted now). I wanted to sit and veg in front of the TV watching the game with my parents, or play Star Wars Legos on the Wii with my brother.

But up the mountain I went with, I must confess, not the best attitude. But God is always faithful even when I am not. Our speaker Jason didn’t tell us anything really mind-blowing, but sometimes it’s good to be reminded of simple truths — truths that remain true even when we forget them.

He reminded us about the battle in our world over what is True and what is relative. That what we believe is just as important as how we live (though they should always go hand-in-hand, rather than be mutually exclusive). He reminded us that the call to discipleship requires us to engage our minds, to train ourselves to think deeply about matters of faith.

Of course, being a better thinker requires that I be a better reader. I want to read more of everything: essays, magazines, blogs, fiction, non-fiction, theology, autobiographies … anything I can get my hands on (and make reasonable time to read). I think being a more avid reader will also make me a better writer.

Anyways, even after nearly falling off the mountain due to the tires on my car losing traction on the new ice — it actually snowed this year — I was surprised by how much I loved camp this year. I definitely wasn’t the best small group leader, but I was so encouraged by the thoughtfulness of my girls and their desire to follow Christ in everything.

I was blessed by how everyone got along and fellowshipped and played together even though their own group of friends didn’t come to camp. I was excited by the testimony time, by how God has already been at work in the students’ lives and how they are taking their faith seriously. And I enjoyed how much we laughed together.

ROCK Winter Camp

Our camp speaker also reminded us about the necessity of reading God’s word and spending adequate time in prayer and meditation. Believing God’s Truths and rejecting the lies of the Evil One, he said, is a good measure of spiritual maturity. I’m really thankful for how both ROCK and KALEO emphasized spiritual disciplines this year, and how God has been growing me in this way, though I’ve only scratched the surface.

I guess this is the second way in which I want to be more of a thinker: I want to take more time this year to sit with God’s Word and turn it over in my mind. I want to spend more time listening for the voice of God and less time telling Him how discontent I am. I want to meditate more on God’s Truth and let it permeate all my thoughts and actions and emotions. Okay, so that was a lot of “I wants,” but I actually think these are “God wants me to’s.”

I always get annoyed with the people who imagine themselves intellectual, and parade about with their knowledge and pretentiousness. The downfall of many an English major, believe me you. That’s not the kind of thinker I want to be. I want to be the kind of thinker who thinks the way God thinks, and whose life reflects that.

TO MY READERS: Do you guys have any good books you think I should read? Post it in the comments section please!


3 thoughts on “a thinker.

  1. Janelle says:

    Beautiful and inspiring! I think I will make this my resolution, too (besides getting to the gym…). I recommend Celtic Evangelism. It is a book about how Ireland and Scotland were evangelized according to their culture. it also discusses monastaries and their purpose in early Christian Ireland/Scotland. I found it enlightening and helpful in my own struggle with meditation and prayer.

  2. Soul Stops says:

    You might enjoy David Benner’s book, The Gift of Being Yourself: The Sacred Call to Self-Discovery. He gives some practical ideas on how to be more transformational-focused in one’s reading of the Bible. Basically, he is talking about how true knowledge of God leads to greater self-knowledge, which leads to greater knowledge of God. It is a thin paperback but fat with wisdom.

    Auntie D.

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